Finding Balance: Raising Strong, Emotionally Intelligent Kids with Firmness and Love

Parenting is one of the most humbling experiences.

raising emotionally intelligent children

As my kids grow older—Aliah just turned 5 and Arrington is now 8—I’m constantly trying to find the balance between raising strong, independent thinkers and ensuring they are emotionally intelligent. It’s not easy, especially when it feels like they don’t respond until I’ve shifted into “mean mom” mode, something I don’t take lightly. My goal is to be a firm yet loving parent, as my grandmother always said, “Have a firm hand and a loving heart.”

I often hear elders speak to the generations being “weaker yet wiser,” and I see some truth to that playing out in real time. Kids today are sharp. They’re born into a world of information, with a quickness that my generation (nor generations before me) never had. But there’s a difference between having knowledge and being emotionally strong. It’s a delicate balance to nurture both.

Proverbs 29:17 (NIV) says, “Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire.” I find myself trying to blend old-school values with new-school emotional intelligence. I don’t want to raise kids who are afraid to speak up, but I also believe in respect and tone. “If you can question God (to remove doubt and for better understanding), surely you can question me,” I tell them, “just watch your tone and put some respect on it.”

Allowing my kids to have a voice, as long as it’s respectful, is important to me. I’ve learned that I can’t let my ego get in the way of their independence. After all, I want to raise strong, independent thinkers, and that requires practice now. When Arrington and I talked about him turning 8, we discussed how it’s a new chapter—one where expectations shift, especially if he doesn’t want to be treated like a baby anymore. It was the same with Aliah when she turned 5. They’re growing, and so are my expectations for them.

This journey has led me to what I call a “gentle-ish” approach to parenting. Gentle parenting sometimes gets a bad rap, seen as being too soft or too lenient. But for me, it’s not about letting go of discipline. It’s about leading with understanding while still holding firm to boundaries. My approach blends both: allowing my kids room to express themselves, but also making sure they understand there are limits and expectations. It’s a delicate balance, and I won’t pretend I’ve perfected it.

But here’s the thing: I’m learning as I go. I’m not an expert. I don’t have all the answers. Some days, I feel like I’m nailing it, and other days, I’m just trying to stay afloat. The truth is, my kids are teaching me as much as I’m teaching them. Parenting is a journey of healing, learning, and adjusting. I’ve had to drop my ego and realize that I’m not threatened by their questions. In fact, their questions are a sign that they’re thinking critically, and that’s exactly what I want for them.

I’ve found that tone is everything. I can have the same conversation with my kids, but how I say it makes all the difference. My three levels of firmness don’t always resonate until I’ve raised my voice, but I’m working on not letting frustration drive those moments. I want to lead by example, and that means managing my own emotions, too. After all, I can’t ask them to respect others’ feelings if I’m not showing that same respect myself.

This process of raising emotionally intelligent kids while maintaining strength is delicate. I’m trying to create a home where they feel safe to express themselves, but also understand the importance of boundaries, respect, and accountability. It’s a balance between old-school discipline and new-school openness. The goal isn’t to stifle their independence, but to guide it—to shape strong individuals who aren’t afraid to ask questions, but also know how to listen.

At the end of the day, I hope I’m raising kids who will be wiser and stronger in all the ways that matter. And, as I go, I remind myself: this is a marathon, not a sprint. There’s room to grow for all of us.

BTW: Just a reminder to all the parents out there—you’re doing your very best, and that’s more than enough.

How do you find balance in your parenting? Share your thoughts or experiences in the comments—I’d love to hear how you’re navigating the journey of raising strong, emotionally intelligent kids!