45 Things I know for Sure

A celebration, a confession, and a love letter to 45 years of figuring it out.

45 things I know for sure

Today I turn 45. July 1st. Halfway through the year, halfway through my forties and becoming more and more fully, completely, unapologetically me. That’s not to say I have it all figured out. Let me assure you I do not. But that, turns out, is the whole point.

So here it is, 45 things I know for sure. Some may make you nod. Some may make you laugh. A few might make you pause and sit with yourself for a minute. Either way, welcome to the party. Pull up a chair.

1. I feel great. Confident, beautiful, and enough. A word 45 years in the making.

2. I love my natural hair. My beautiful brown skin. I have made peace with my stomach pooch and my not-so-perky breast. I can look at myself in the mirror and love what I see.

3. Moisturize. Head to toe. Every single day.

4. Health is wealth. Not a cliché. A fact.

5. Running hot water is a luxury and a blessing. Add frequency music and a candle to that shower and you have an instant spa. Do not take it for granted.

6. Sunlight and earth beneath my feet is medicine. Free available, and criminally underused.

7. I could live on a nudist colony. Clothes can be so constricting. That’s all I have to say about that.

8. You can not live your life for anybody but you.

9. A red lipstick takes any look up a notch. This is not an opinion. This is a fact.

10. Yoga is not just a workout. It is a conversation with God.

11. Music is the soul. I will take music over television every single time. Sing like no one is listening. Dance like no one is watching….and I do.

12. God will lead you, if you let Him take the wheel.

13. Never say what you won’t do. Time has a way of proving you wrong.

14. I am worthy of everything God has for me. I am a reflection of His love. Life has had it’s ups and downs, but He has shown up every single time.

15. A nap is not laziness. A nap is necessary. Schedule it with the same energy you schedule everything else. Then. Wake up, and get to it.

16. Making intentional time for yourself is not selfish. It is survival. And it keeps you from going completely off on people. Some of whom, let’s be honest, absolutely deserve it.

17. Laziness is a turnoff. In a partner, in a friend, and especially in yourself. Naps’ over. Do the thing.

18. Travel. It doesn’t have to be out the country. Just out of your zip code. Get somewhere unfamiliar and let it change you a little.

19. Water is the most essential beverage, but southern sweet tea is the most satisfying.

20. My kids teach me just as much as I teach them. Society would like us to believe we are the adults and therefore we know everything, and the children are just lucky we tolerate them. That is a lie.

21. Being able to use the restroom uninterrupted after having kids is underrated joy.

22. You will not get it right every day. You will get up the next day, dust yourself off, and try again.

23. Family may not be your friend. But a good friend is family.

24. Your circle does not have to be small. But it has to be uplifting. Size is not the point. Energy is.

25. Do not take life or yourself too seriously.

26. I have been waiting to be middle aged for as long as I can remember. It hasn’t been all roses. But it damn sure is not disappointing.

27. I’m not always convinced humans are the superior species. Some days the evidence is thin.

28. There is no feeling like truly being loved. And that starts with yourself. Everything else builds from there.

29. Know yourself. Intentionally and realistically. And be honest with yourself before marriage. You cannot love someone well from a place of self-ignorance.

30. Ask for help. From your partner, your friends, your God. Carrying everything is not strength, it’s stubbornness with good PR.

31. Forgiveness is hard. Do it anyway. Not for them, for you.

32. Crying is not weakness. It is relief. Let is go. Let it flow. Then get up.

33. Invest sooner than later.

34. Laughter is medicine.

35. Your background never leaves you. It just becomes context. Everything, every job, every season, every version of you, is preparation for what comes next.

36. Therapy is good. Go. Come back. Go again. Tell someone it helped.

37. Comparison is the robber of joy. We are each on our own journey. Stay in your lane and enjoy the scenery.

38. Learn something new. Regularly. On purpose.

39. Black people are the backbone, head, heart, and spine of this world. Argue with your momma.

40. I do not want to be around, or ingest through any sense, negativity.

41. The roads are a mess and tore up everywhere. Literally and figuratively. Navigate anyway.

42. Choosing joy is a radical act. Do it anyway.

43. The color orange is a whole mood. Bold, warm. I love how I look in it and how it makes me feel.

44. Adventure is not for the young. It is for the willing. I am willing.

45. I don’t know everything. I am not in control. And I have never been more at peace with that than I am right now, on this day, at 45 years old. It feels exactly like it should.

Here’s to 45. To the season of discovery, the still-figuring-it-out, the red lipstick, and the steam showers. To the friends who are family, the kids who teach me, the God who keeps showing up, and every single moment of rest I did not feel guilty about.

Happy Birthday to me. Where’re my cancers!

BTW: “Until the lion learns to write, every story will glorify the hunter.” – African Proverb

Which one hit you? Drop it in the comments. I want to know the number. And if you’ve got a thing or two you know for sure, share it. We’re all out here learning.