Starting Something New

Starting something new can be scary. Will I succeed? Will I fail?

A new beginning opens us up, leaves us exposed, and shows some level of vulnerability that most of us, including myself, are not comfortable with. If only you could know the outcome before you dive in. If you are anything like me, you find yourself questioning yourself and your abilities.

I am a pharmacist by trade; practiced for about 15 years, ten of which I owned and operated an independent pharmacy. What do I know about writing, about blogging? Very little to be quite honest. Will anyone want to hear what I have to say, does anyone care?

I am not new to challenges and new journeys, but the Covid Years would bring about a new kind of test.  A test that seemed like it was sent to destroy me. The last three years have shaken me and turned me in a way that I never expected, nor was I totally prepared for: business “failure”, broken relationships that I thought were unbreakable, finding my stride as a parent, and relocation.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger right?

I now know that I am not alone in my struggles. I’ve heard and seen those close to me and from afar just trying to survive and make it.

I grew up in the suburb of DeSoto, Tx just south of Dallas, graduated in 1999 before attending Xavier University of Louisiana. I would go on to receive my doctorate in pharmacy in 2006. I worked a couple years for a doctor’s office and a chain pharmacy before opening my own pharmacy with a friend and classmate in 2012. My parents had owned their own business for 20 years in the healthcare field, so it only seemed natural to open my own business. I married in 2015, had my first child in 2016, the second in 2019. I bought a house, had 2 dogs and a fence. My life seemed “perfect.” My life was rolling along just fine, as scheduled, or so it seemed.

Like many, I was on autopilot.

I was trying to survive, be everything to everybody. My head was down, and I was doing the work. It was not until I was thrust down by life’s unexpected turns that I realized I was not truly conscious within my own life. My life was and had been spinning completely out of control before I even realized: business was struggling, my business partner wanted out, my marriage was suffering, my relationship with my mother was full of tension to say the least. I felt like I was doing a lot but doing nothing well. There was not enough time in the day. Did you notice, I said nothing about ME.

I literally felt like I was drowning, gasping for air. When I finally came up for a breath, I was left with ME. But who was I? I really didn’t know the answer to that question. I did not know what I really liked to do, I wasn’t and hadn’t been taking time out for myself; I did not know myself truly. Self-care was nonexistent. What did I like to do for fun? Fun? What was fun? What was my purpose? What kind of parent was I? What kind of parent did I want to be? What type of wife was I? What kind of wife did I want to be? What ME did I want to be? My life was in turmoil, BUT GOD! I used this opportunity to take evaluation of my life; I had to be honest with myself and I had to move forward. My life and my children depended on that movement.

‘I took Queen Beyonce literally: I sold my business, moved to the country and began to get to know me. YOU WONT BREAK MY SOUL! I was able to hear God’s voice clearly without all the noise (isolation has a great way of doing that). I had time to give myself and my children ME. I began dating myself and caring for myself.

The discovery of Groupon was perfect for this task. God placed people (some familiar and some that literally showed up at my doorstep) in my path to walk with me, talk with me, pray with and for me. I was able to reconnect with friends and family that quite honestly, I just didn’t have time in the past to truly be present with. I was healing, being restored, and I began to feel alive, present, and purpose driven. I am a true believer that things happen for us, not to us. I am thankful for the fall because it has allowed me to start anew with a fresh perspective.

The healing and cultivating of my relationship with myself has been the most beneficial of all.

Getting to know and understanding that I can only change and control ME has been such a refreshing and powerful revelation. I now humbly live my life for ME and God. Living in that humble space has allowed all aspects of my life to evolve. My life still has its trials and tribulations as will always be, but I have found a new joy and peace that I did not know I was missing from my life. I feel obligated to make the most out of this chance at life now that I am more aware.

School has now started for both my children.

This is the first time my daughter has been with anyone outside of myself and a select handful of family members. My son started first grade at a new school. I tell my children all the time: courage is not the absence of fear, it is doing what needs to be done in spite of being in the presence of fear. My son said, “Mommy I am starting first grade, and I am very nervous, but that’s okay I am going to be great any way!” I am listening to him as he seems to listen to me. I decided this too would be the active start to writing, which is a passion I have always had and have been thinking about doing for quite some time. I too am nervous, but that is ok!

Although these times have been trying, what it has ultimately done is made me find my way back to myself, back to God. Have faith in his guidance. The most important relationship we can have is with  ourselves and God (or whatever greater spirit you would like to call out).

Being pruned, stretched, and pushed to limits can make you better and stronger!

In our world today where it seems like everything is telling us to retreat, hide, give up on others and ourselves, I am trying to dig deep and push forward. I am feeling guided to share and hopefully inspire others, as others help me along life’s journey. When we realize we are all here to help and serve one another, it helps take some of the stress off ourselves.

Welcome to Life in AD! Lets start a renewed joyous life together. Lets live, laugh out loud, and show up for ourselves, even if it is scary.

BTW: It is my hope that you find this space to be inclusive, safe, and fun!

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